I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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