so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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