The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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