in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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