Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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