i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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