How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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