You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
