She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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