he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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