I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
