ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
