lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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