you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
