as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
