I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
