You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
