I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
