Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
