It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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