You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
