i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
