I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
