You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
