I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
