you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is Oprah even human
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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