i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
