Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
