The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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