That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
