please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
