I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
