I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
