You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
