I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
