the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Holy sore nipples Batman
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
