AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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