Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
