why do cheetos always look like penises
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
