Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
