so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Be still, my beating vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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