I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
