I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
