You can't special order awesome
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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