I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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