Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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