We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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