Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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