The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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