Having a random hookup so left but love u
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
